A New Day, Each Day

That's the spirit! That is just how I am but I hope by feeling this way, I am not actually running away from problems instead of solving it. Wait, solve? Tell me how am I supposed to solve it, when I don't even have a solution. Forget it.

Yesterday I woke up with a clear mind. Eventhough I slept late and did not have enough sleep. Still, I went for religious class @ Al-Khair Mosque in the morning at 10am to hear Ustaz Dahri talks. It was clearly awesome and I looked forward for next week's class. Insya'Allah if I can make time for it. Well, yesterday class was about Education. Yes, the importance of education in life. There is so many things I learnt yesterday but this is something that I can share to all. 1)We need to teach. 2)We need to learn. 3)We need to listen. 4)We need to like. If we have all these four, whatever we do in life, insya'Allah it will all fall into place nicely just the way we want it to be(: Overall, education is important however, we also need to know how to apply education in our lives. No point studying so hard if you apply or use it for the wrong reasons.
Btw, this is my new look. (Applies only on certain days, trahahaa)

Next is going to be a random post since I miss mr boyfriend like errr..lot? Today is his last day working for the 3-days Beauty Asia event @ Suntec City. I must say I love this kind of job, easy money! $50 per day and all you do during event like this is just survey, registration or station staff etc. (Depends on what you're assigned to do) He got this job with his cousins and how I wish I am in it too -.- RAHHHH!

Mr boyfriend received a compliment from a photographer(i think) in that event for being good-looking. *laughoutloud* Confirm his hair makin kembang, kalahkan lion kat Safari Jungle. hahahhahaha. 

On the positive side, he is cute(: Wait till he go NS, head botak and badan tambah kong macam kingkong. Confirm macam prisoner 10-years baru bail-out. LOL. But he have this bad boy look when he is botak, just like YEARS back when he had his head shaved for umrah, i think if i rmbr it correctly.lol.

Okay, let's drop this mushy post about my boyfriend ONLY. I just want him to know that I miss him. I think love letter works better than SMS:( It's been 17-days since I met him and 6-hours since I hear anything from him. wth, and still I can blogged about him.

That's it. I am going to turn in early tonight because tomorrow I am finally working! After 1.5 weeks of break. Tomorrow Candy Bar opening with Cherry Boom Boom & Liyana Na Na. I am fasting tomorrow! Hoping for a super good day tomorrow! And come Friday, I think I need to shop with my not-so-much-money:(

NIGHTS.

I thank Allah for answering my prayers. This week I've been spending good time with my brother. & i think we had telepathy, we went out wearing the same shirt when we went out together that day. It was coincidental(: It was Man-U jersey btw. heheee. but different colour(: (:

SAD

(credits: deviant art)

I just cannot go to bed no matter how hard I tried to.

It's been days since it's been like this.

When will I ever get a peaceful sweet dreams at night?

I will only get to sleep when dawn comes.

Does it take a pretty look, a nice skin, great figure, thick wallet just to be happy and be accepted?

Many would say, NO.

Yes, I know myself the answer would be no but...

I don't understand why my cousins have been contacting each other.

Spending time, sharing things in common and exchanging their life story.

Is it because of my family background?

I wish I know the answer.

I felt so distant away from them and every time we have family gatherings, I am left clueless with what they are talking about.

Nak kene ade blackberry, iPhone, duit to travel, experience travelling to Aussie & NZ before, car, looks, "happening" own family, baru boleh be part of the social circle ke? (eventhough we're family)

Well, it seems to be that way though...

I admit I do not come from the family who always can make time for every outing.

We do not own a family car; just a company car. Thus making us a lot more difficult to travel around.

But that does not mean we should be opted out from family outing by not being inform and such.

(Yelahhhh..time susah, perlukan kereta untuk tumpang, baru nak carikkk. Kereta company nie jugak lah yang angkut wahai kaum keluarga yg perlukan tumpangan dikala waktu susah..)

I admit I do not come from a far near wealthy family nor happy living family.

I have to earn to provide myself and I have to study to assure a bright future for myself.

I have to learn to juggle between both and make own decisions in life.

Students complain over getting only $10 per day for school, they complain of not getting much allowances for the month for their entertainment and shopping needs.

I simply do not understand why. Ain't they supposed to be thankful instead?

Try being in my shoe whereby you have to support yourself for you to lead a life.

I have to work, if not, do you think I can go out and eat with friends or even change into new clothes.

Or even pay up my mobile bills and transportation fees.

And oh even my driving fees which I spent like 4-digit numbers $$ on it.

I do not even talk to my dad everyday.

I do not even go out with family.

The best part of the year is, Hari Raya.

Because that is when we put up our smile and go visiting as a family.

But are all our smile sincere? Maybe. 

Cos that is the only day we are together. Like macam reunion.

Now that my brother is married, I only get to meet him fortnightly?

On other days, I became a single child at home living with mum in a 5-room HDB flat.

Sometimes I could even hear echo in the house because it is too peaceful.

And this peacefulness does not assure happiness at home.

This silence means empty.

Checking cousins fb, twitter, livejournal, blogs and...vavavooom!!

They are all inter-connected with one another.

Some even have their own good spending time on certain days.

And I know nuts about it, simply said was not even invited.

This Saturday is Nenek's surprise birthday party cum family gathering at ecp.

Guess I am just going to stay low and humble and talk when I need to.

Because I do not have much to offer them.

Especially when I know their topics going to be the next Europe trip, their BB/iPhone, cars, shopping (F21, Zara, onlineshop), great partner life/bfs or topics which I will get lost such as (ehhh..you know siket hari yg kite pegi yadayadayada..or..maybe we should do it again or go out again uhhh..) yes, only they know what they are talking about.

The only thing I can offer to them is my heart, because I love them and that is why I keep track about their lives silently through virtual social webs because I care.

Even my boyfriend lead a good life with such great companions with many siblings he have.

Plus very nice parents who work together day in day out to earn from their business.

Not only that, a family who have strong pillar in religious matters. I adore them.

And no doubt, I believe a strong religion in a family do help to assure a certain happiness within a family.

Unlike mine:(

Well, boyfriend is even blessed to have such great-great-great cousins.

Yes, I simply cannot describe how great they just are.

They spent so much time together. Not sharing about personal life..

But for the very least, by actively spending time doing activities together always.

Or should I say almost everyday?lol.

It's been 16days since I met him.

I just do not care?

Or am I just giving him the time for his cousins and spending time with his normal activities he liked to?

I do not know.

We do not even talk.

I really wonder what this 32 months relationship is leading to.

I leave it to God to decide.

Puas hati ini meluahkannya, tapi kalau si lelaki tak memahami maksudnya..apa gunanya..

Cukupkah setakat menghantar dan membalas setiap SMS pada setiap hari untuk membina hubungan yang teguh..

Aku tak pernah sekali minta harta atau hadiah darimu..

Yang ku pinta hanya keperihatinan & kasih sayang darimu..

Aku yakin dengan kejujuran hatimu dan aku bersyukur terhadap itu..

Malangnya, perlu kau tahu bahawa rumah itu tidak akan terbina jika pereka hanya merancang dan yakin dengan projeknya itu sahaja tapi tiada yang membinanya..

Di manakah letaknya kebahagiaan jika tiada yang mahu mengambil tindakan?

you know what i'm going through but all you can say is forget it, things will fall back into place one day..
even if i cry, you have never lend me a shoulder or listen to my last bit of sorrowness..
i'm not a guy mind you, i'm a girl.
and this is the reason why i rather keep things to myself..
cos i feel happier this way..
i know i will not be satisfied in every single way by how you will response when i'm down..
you will not even know if one day i drink down a bottle of poison to clear my mind..
cos you do not even care when i binge on food, stare at the wall and do nothing or cry..
should i say more boyfriend my love?


:(

ohh Allah, forgive me for being such an unappreciative person who only likes to complain about her life all the time. i did tried to appreciate with what i have today.
but at times, i think i just deserve better like what others do.
if this is a test for me in this world, i accept it whole-heartedly and will endure with it for as long as you want me to..
however, i, as weak human, seek help from you to continue giving me strength for me to move on.
all i hope for is a gift from you for me to lead better life in the future, insyaállah..

Hypocrite

(Credits: Deviant Art)

"A person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs." 

based on dictionary.com

who eat chillipadi, he/she will taste the spicyness or the hotnessss.
ouchh right?

Blackened.

Today i turned black.
Tulah kacau orang black kan now dah black!
Bukan black je now..membakar rasenye tangan and muke ini!
What happened??


Right after exam, waited for cab under the bright scorching sun for about 40mins to go ECP.
Seeeeeee!
Before I even reach ECP, I'm already burning under the hot sun.
Slowly I started to tanned just in Tampines Ave 1. Thanks uhhhhh.
When I reached ECP, it was veryyyyyy windy! YES, i never felt such a strong wind before.
But at the same time, it's also damn hot.
RAHHHHHH!


Cycled from ECP to Changi and back again.
A total accomplishment of cycling for approx. 34km in total.
Awesommmmeeee!
Thanks to that I have ass-cramps now. lol.
So much complains just going cycling!
Tomorrow going to hide indooors only to heal my skin, heheheeeee(: (:


Orang minyak, oil woman:

Look at the burned face.

AND. Who's hand is that touching my cheeenaa skin??! Ok mine:(

Who's hand is that like zeeebraaa crossing??!

How much I really got blackened:(

But life still has to move on, she's still smiling like the ms golden smile(:

teeeheeee(:

Because she's hiding indoors and therapying herself at home with mask & cucumber scrub(:

Hope it helps.

Amin.

Tell me.

Yes, now tell me how do you express your feelings to your brother?

I miss my brother.

I have a sister now but seems that time is still too short to tell because I am not that bonded with her. Apparently maybe cos she have her own 3 sisters at home.

But I only have 1 brother. Now that he's gone, I miss him.

Everytime, he is not home. I will message him if he's going back to BP or CCK. I don't know why. I think my message will sound irritating to him if I kept asking him that.

And ohh mr boyfriend, is it wrong for me to be going through a period called PMS??!
I will be cranky, weird and itchy-minded? I dunnno. Just weird I guess.

But hell no one knows what deep pain I have to go through this time. 4days of cramp is no big joke.
Plus the back pain as well, it hurts like maddddddd.
I wish you know.

I'm such a stupid girlfriend right? Yes, I know that thanks boyfriend(:

-_-

You wouldn't wanna know how much gallon of tears have been released from my eyes.

Speechless.

:(

I don't like!

There's so many things running through my mind everyday!

I'm not leading life in peace:(

BOOOOOO >.<

The Unforgettable Night(:

Thanks to searching for my past post mails in my container, I have to disturbed my neighbour(s) sleeping in this wee hours because I was screaming on top of my voice at this hour!
Why?
Because I saw a yuckkyyy creepy-crawly wiggling its tail right behind the container!

1st action, scream.

2nd action, run away from room.

3rd action, complain to mum who's trying to showcase a brave upfront but actually she's not!

4th action, took an insect repellent.

5th action, sprayyyyyyyyy!

6th action, quickly complain and ask help from brother who just came out of toilet.

7th action, mom and brother took their insect repellent! HAHA.

8th action, the three of us start sprayyyyyyyyyyyyying!

9th action, mom start to sit right at the corner of my sofa bed & instructing me to catch it!

10th action, brother keep spraying and looking for it.

11th action, brother ask me to take slipper and hit it but I refused.

12th action, I saw it wriggling and it has a polka-dots body! (ewwwwwwwwwww)

13th action, jump on top of my sofabed with insect repellent on my hand, screaming as it wiggle and wriggle!

14th action, brother went out of room and came back in with dustpan & broom. *roll eyes*

15th action, tried to sweep the insect.

16th action, insect MIA.

17th action, all of us suspected in went into my weighing scale!

18th action, moment of silence in my room.

19th action, heard sound coming from my weighing scale.

20th action, brother continue spraying and move the weighing scale.

21th action, "throw the weighing scale!!!!" I suggested.

22th action, brother asked me to carry the weighing scale and pass to him. But I refused.

23th action, mom added in and told brother to open the main door first! (haha, she scared halfway drop in living room!!)

24th action, I tried to carry the weighing scale using the tip of my fingers & scream when i saw something move.

25th action, quickly pass weighing scale to brother.

26th action, brother took it and run out of house.

27th action, while running, saw the head sticking out..brother ran faster! HAHA.

28th action, knock the weighing scale & out came the creepy-crawly.

29th action, "da mati eh?" I asked. Look at it (hair standing), give it a last spray!

30th action, mum came out also..just to have a last look of it and said "alahhh..nie cicak luar lahh..masok from tingkap nye..takde pape lahhh.." -__________- My mum confident ehhh! Actually she also scared. tskkk!

Next, what is the name of the creepy-crawly?


Lizard. (the polka-dots one)
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

You lethargic, then Me?

If you are feeling lethargic, I understand. I mean I feel the same way too. In fact, I think I am way more tired than you. You won't understand how hectic projects, school assignments and tests has flooded my life. Plus my commitment for my drama. I mean thank god at least I have drama because it is like a stress-free session for me.

But be more realistic can? If lethargic is the only word that you can complain of for months, then might as well we just be animals who just know how to sleepeatplaysleepeatplay. Even your sister asked me how come you have been sleeping, playing games with cousins, playing soccer, meet your cousins and sleeping only when school/work ends? Now you tell me, how am I supposed to answer her?

I realized that you became more tired even more after you can ride and drive? Too tired to even give me a call to accompany my long journey home. Where else I used to do so when you traveled home alone in the train or bus last time x.x tskk. This is what happens when accessibility can affects one's life.

I am not sure if you're reading this but I need you to know that I really hope you can read what I sent you last night and understand the content properly. This time, I am really serious about it. I want to see how much you really do care about this relationship.

Even on each every major days of ours you do not even bother, what makes me even bother to continue cracking my head and plan things for us... Ask people for suggestions and such but yet when the day comes by, nothing seems to work. And it's just amazing how other people are more concern about us then us ourselves? At times, we may say that these people are just "kepo" but they won't be if they are not concern and help us do something for nothing.

Next week is my performance and no one is apparently supporting me. Not even you. And this is not the first time you're not watching me perform. I went through auditions and managed to get selected for shows yet I get no support. I think this will be my final performance. I did not even contribute for the Sayembara competition for Febuary because not only I think I can commit but also I think I lose my passion for performing arts. Maybe I am not fit to be in it. I was banned from dancing. Now drama is like a free-wheelly. Or maybe I am saying all these because my mind is not straight now? It's just a moment of anger. Pftss! Seee I am going mad. I think I just sit at home and rot like a housewife. That's what I have been doing anyway. Except that housewife do not need to study so much, do projects and muggg all nights.

.....................................nicotine has been lingering in my mind these days. will it be able to heal my heart?

STOP!

Thank you for being concern but at times I just felt that it's better if you don't ask.

I know you might say that I might be faking realism of my own life but this is how I live with it (for now, this is it).

This is what lingers on mind especially when I'm alone or when people start directing same question to me..

"I wish I can hear your voice over the phone again..

 I wish life can be more enjoyable with lotsa laughter just like how it used to be (even though most of the time,    the topics were just crap!) but indeed I am a crappa-doodle person, I crap alot if you know me well..

 I wish I can watch the sunset and see how the night sky change into a beautiful starry moonlight night with a smile over my face (like I used to)..

 I wish I can be like them so lovely and dovey..

 I wish I could get to listen to songs dedicated for me again..

 I wish I could have a good yet memorable long bus or train ride once more..

 I wish life with you could be just as simple but filled with happiness again.."

And my thoughts flows on and on and on..

Now what's the point of letting tears fall down because of all these?

Exactly. That's the reason why I am holding back my tears now.

If only you could decipher what my hearts is saying (silently), each time.

And my girlfriend said, "Do you want to just watch all these pass by over the years just like that?"

Of course I don't want.

I'm sure you all know how I'm like.

I'm very dedicated when it comes to loving one.

Thanks girlfriend for being there.

I wish time will pause and let me set it to proper timing for me to start a new beginning all over again.

(: