You lethargic, then Me?

If you are feeling lethargic, I understand. I mean I feel the same way too. In fact, I think I am way more tired than you. You won't understand how hectic projects, school assignments and tests has flooded my life. Plus my commitment for my drama. I mean thank god at least I have drama because it is like a stress-free session for me.

But be more realistic can? If lethargic is the only word that you can complain of for months, then might as well we just be animals who just know how to sleepeatplaysleepeatplay. Even your sister asked me how come you have been sleeping, playing games with cousins, playing soccer, meet your cousins and sleeping only when school/work ends? Now you tell me, how am I supposed to answer her?

I realized that you became more tired even more after you can ride and drive? Too tired to even give me a call to accompany my long journey home. Where else I used to do so when you traveled home alone in the train or bus last time x.x tskk. This is what happens when accessibility can affects one's life.

I am not sure if you're reading this but I need you to know that I really hope you can read what I sent you last night and understand the content properly. This time, I am really serious about it. I want to see how much you really do care about this relationship.

Even on each every major days of ours you do not even bother, what makes me even bother to continue cracking my head and plan things for us... Ask people for suggestions and such but yet when the day comes by, nothing seems to work. And it's just amazing how other people are more concern about us then us ourselves? At times, we may say that these people are just "kepo" but they won't be if they are not concern and help us do something for nothing.

Next week is my performance and no one is apparently supporting me. Not even you. And this is not the first time you're not watching me perform. I went through auditions and managed to get selected for shows yet I get no support. I think this will be my final performance. I did not even contribute for the Sayembara competition for Febuary because not only I think I can commit but also I think I lose my passion for performing arts. Maybe I am not fit to be in it. I was banned from dancing. Now drama is like a free-wheelly. Or maybe I am saying all these because my mind is not straight now? It's just a moment of anger. Pftss! Seee I am going mad. I think I just sit at home and rot like a housewife. That's what I have been doing anyway. Except that housewife do not need to study so much, do projects and muggg all nights.

.....................................nicotine has been lingering in my mind these days. will it be able to heal my heart?

STOP!

Thank you for being concern but at times I just felt that it's better if you don't ask.

I know you might say that I might be faking realism of my own life but this is how I live with it (for now, this is it).

This is what lingers on mind especially when I'm alone or when people start directing same question to me..

"I wish I can hear your voice over the phone again..

 I wish life can be more enjoyable with lotsa laughter just like how it used to be (even though most of the time,    the topics were just crap!) but indeed I am a crappa-doodle person, I crap alot if you know me well..

 I wish I can watch the sunset and see how the night sky change into a beautiful starry moonlight night with a smile over my face (like I used to)..

 I wish I can be like them so lovely and dovey..

 I wish I could get to listen to songs dedicated for me again..

 I wish I could have a good yet memorable long bus or train ride once more..

 I wish life with you could be just as simple but filled with happiness again.."

And my thoughts flows on and on and on..

Now what's the point of letting tears fall down because of all these?

Exactly. That's the reason why I am holding back my tears now.

If only you could decipher what my hearts is saying (silently), each time.

And my girlfriend said, "Do you want to just watch all these pass by over the years just like that?"

Of course I don't want.

I'm sure you all know how I'm like.

I'm very dedicated when it comes to loving one.

Thanks girlfriend for being there.

I wish time will pause and let me set it to proper timing for me to start a new beginning all over again.

(: